Nanny Mom

As a nanny/sitter/friend to little people I am often called by name or title but every once in a while one of those little humans will slip and call me the one word I long to hear. Mom. In these cases it is often when they are not thinking. Maybe they are trying to convince me that they need another cookie or are upset with a form of discipline I offered. But sometimes, when the stars align they say it maybe because in that moment they feel my love for them.  And I do love them. I know I am not their mom but lately more than ever I have wanted to be someones mom. I don't know if I am infertile, I don't think so? but I am waiting. It's funny how after years of thinking I would have kids right before I biologically wouldn't be able to, my desires changed. It seemed overnight that I went from thinking children were fun to hear about but not really deal with to wanting my own child more than a high paying career, admiration from the world or the freedom to live for myself.  I didn't seek a job as a nanny to fill some kind of void. It was actually the only job I could find that allowed me to be outside, wear what I wanted and not have to sit in a cubicle- all while making enough to pay rent and offer a flexible schedule for me to still play and eventually go back to school.  I originally thought being with kids would push my baby calendar back but it has had no such consequence. Granted I watch adorable children, but they are still children. They cry, scream and throw fits all in public and at home. But they also give wonderful compliments, hugs and kisses and are a bunch of fun to play with.  But at the end of the day, they are not mine. Someone else, who rightfully deserves the title, is called mom. They are hers and she is theirs. Now I just want mine. 

Mexico to NYC

I love traveling more than anything. Possibly because of the amazingly peaceful feeling I get when I return to my home; my sacred space. Although I wanted to just cuddle in bed for days, the NYC pace of life quickly came back and made the lazy siesta lifestyle of Mexico City a mere dream. 

-We arrived home on Saturday. 
-Kenneth flew out to Illinois for a tonselectomy on Sunday.
-I started work on Monday.
-For one week I worked, cleaned, unpacked, did laundry and prepared for school.
-Following Tuesday Kenneth returns home from Illinois (Thanks Ray for driving your son home to me!) and the same day Karina arrives. 
-Wednesday despite pain Ken begins catching up in his classes after missing the first few days
-Friday Ken has a test, I work and show Karina all of the fun the city has to offer while caring for a sick husband on a liquid diet and working
-Monday Ken's best friend Geoff calls from Iceland to announce he will be in NYC for a week to see us- yipee! (We were really excited to see him- but I was also really excited to have my home to myself again)
-Tuesday Geoff arrives
-Wednesday Karina leaves
-Friday Ken's birthday
-Saturday Geoff leaves
-Sunday I clean my house and walk around in my underwear- the master of my home once again!

Although I start school in 2 days- after 23 days of insanity, I welcome the routine school may offer. 

*this is in no way to discourage visitors. I LOVE when people come to stay with us. This is to remind me to never return from out of the country, schedule a surgery and have multiple visitors while preparing for grad school and going back to work all within a few weeks of each other.* 

Colorado Film

Film makes me nostalgic for a time I never even lived in.