Yesterday I received wonderful news that my best friend and travel partner will be moving to Budapest with her husband for a year. I am more than thrilled about this adventure. She expressed how many people were confused about their moving to another country and even surprised that it was even a possible option.
After speaking with her I remembered a time while sitting in classes studying
people who had just done amazing things
and thinking wow I wish I could do that. I wish I could travel, or move to NYC
or learn another language. I don’t
know when I realized that the only person holding me back was me. Yes I could
make excuses forever but I could also stand up and take accountability for the
live I was living. While talking to a friend of mine who with his wife has
served many Church missions around the world I asked how he did it. He simply
said that we made our desires our priority. They desired to travel so with
their family they went without fancy clothes or a big home. They always had
enough for their needs. And then they put their energy and money towards
traveling and now in their latter years, serving missions.
Of course it sounds much easier than it is,
because there are often very good excuses as to why we are not doing what we really
want to be doing. But how good are they really? My father is a remarkable
example to me of priorities. His priority was to be with us kids growing up and
I cannot think of a day when he was absent. Granted he sacrificed high paying
career options for a job that pays enough but allowed him time to be with us.
No money or prestige is worth more to me than the memories I have as my family
spent time together playing games, attending events or just laughing.
So what does it take?
While working as an
intern I met a man who one day just got it. He walked in with a huge smile. Before I could
even ask what he was thinking he said, Hey Camille so today’s my last day- I
quit. Now let me explain our job was great. We worked with people in the
community developing health programs. But like most jobs we spent only a small
portion of our time in the community, the rest was at a small desk in a grey
cubicle. A rather quiet man every other day, he was busting at the seams to
tell me his plans. He had no job lined up but he wanted to work with his hands.
Maybe he would throw hay bales or make Indian jewelry. He didn’t know but he
was excited. Although his degree was in line with our job, he needed to find
what made him happy. It wasn’t money, or even following societal norms. He was
happy when he worked with his hands. I don’t know where he is but I hope he is doing something that increases his happiness.
My last example is of a girl I met in my
Italian class during college. After not seeing her for a few years I assumed she had graduated from college, and that was the end of it; when I saw her at a Zumba Fitness instructor
workshop. I immediately asked how she was doing and if she was done with
school. She smiled and said "yes I graduated from the business school (one of
the best in the nation may I note!) and after working in a huge office with amazing pay and benefits, in other words, everything I believed I wanted, I realized
that getting emails at 1 in the morning and sitting in meetings all day made me
depressed." So she quit. She is now a Zumba and yoga instructor who loves
teaching fitness and working with people every day. She has never been happier.
I have met a businessman who quit his job
to move to Gaza to teach drawing. I have met an actress who has given up a life
of fame to focus on her children because she wants to be a wonderful mother.
Maybe it’s time we ask ourselves what
matters most. What are our dreams? What are we doing to make them a reality? Where
are we putting most of our energy? I don’t think I have the solution. By all
means I am still trying to figure out what my desires even are! They seem to change very frequently. But I am asking myself the right questions and taking those scary steps towards realizing my dreams.
How to identify our desires and where our energy is being spent
My high school science teacher once led our class through this simple exercise that I try to repeat at least once a year
1. On a piece of paper number 1-10 along the side.
2. Starting with 1 list your priorities from most important to least.
3. Next to each of these items write how many minutes or hours a week you spend engaged in this activity or doing something to realize this priority. For example if health is a priority how many hours do you spend exercising.
4. Flip the paper over and write 1-10 along the side.
5. List your daily and weekly activities. Include eating, sleeping and work.
6. Next to each of these items write how many minutes or hours you spend engaged in the activity.
7. Now take a few minutes to compare these lists. Of course somethings are necessary and may not be negotiable such as a science class but they may contribute to another priority such as education.
8. This is the time to make changes. Where do you want to spend less time and how can you give more time to your real desires.
By no means does this solve our problems but it does help see more simply if we are on track to fulfilling our dreams.
